Life is Pretty Good... At Being Life

Screw you science and your three branches of physics, chemistry and biology. Eat a fudging cheese banana- biology ESPECIALLY. YOU FISHING TRAITOR. 

What else is a lie? First Aid Certificates. It's such a fishing duck. 

I've been through a lot of experiences. Let's say it connects to blood and colour and abnormality and breathing and hearts and brains and clots and veins and arteries and fudging pho (asian crap) and breathing and heaviness and work and Wollongong and weariness and headaches and dizziness and mutual-grounds-God and houses and sunflowers and houses and money and no money and New York. 

WHY DO PEOPLE JOKE LIKE DEATH SYMPTOMS SORT OF JOKE. 

I appreciate eyes. Eyes because you can tell if you are screwed up or not. 

Life is pretty screwed up now I'm telling you. Forty three is an odd number. They're meant to be fishing lucky. 

Do you know what else is screwed up? My fudging psychological state. Oh and my emotionlessness. The oddity of the eldest daughter just watching someone die for a bit- I don't know... Are you supposed to cry or something? My sister cried but I talk about sunflowers. Like the one I recently bought that was MEANT TO LAST FOR TWO WEEKS BUT IS ALREADY FISHING DEAD. 

Screw you female reproductive parts and areas of gaseous, repiratous and photosynthetic exchange. Giving death away so easily. 

Then there was this extremely strange yet distant "bang" that rings in your ears and then he closes his eyes and the atmosphere is so strange an distorted where everyone's heart just stops- then continues to talk about us. They said it was an "angel" or something that warned us. I just found it weird how when they called for an ambulance they panicked and stalled and I'm just standing there and saying in my head "all you fishing do is pick up the phone and dial triple 000". Like, who walks around figuring out their feelings.

And why does everyone want me to be a fishing doctor or some- oh wait now "HEY JADE YOU'RE GOING TO BE JULIA GILLARD"- hey no what. Hate politics and the only part of the word "medicine" I like is the part about psychological and neurological health an state. 

And then when they were trying to do DRSABCD and one says "doctor Jade". Don't push it please. I'm no doctor. 

I have a phD in realism and I'll stick to that thank you very much. It may be a compliment and I will take it as such but please don't feed me horrible noodle soup things asians are supposed to like and tell me to fix him. 

Okay I'm sorry I feel bad for getting all negative about the "BIG" future but I'm just ranting about biological and social problems. And why does the ambulance take ten minutes to come. 

Okay let's just get to the point- life lesson: preparation and patience are the keys. 

To what? 

Just pretend Stroke I. Yes and Stroke II is the problem. 

Bright as the Sun

I really do support sun protection. The cancer council? Yes, one of my favourite charities. Trust me, I love hats (well, of course now!) and sunnies...and that solar eclipse today, you are wondering?
Boring.
Why?
Darn Sydney can't get the full "Ring of Fire" amazement. So I would've had to apply more sunscreen if I had wanted to hog the telescope. What else relates to the sun? The one and only star in our sky during the day?

Please pretend the Edison invention is a sun. It helps.

That's right. These beauties. The lovely causes of allergies and other symptoms of such: sneezing and itchy eyes. Which I willingling bought for a little chap who is allergic to pollen- me.

These are beautiful Australian sunflowers. One day I will grow a whole garden of these. I'll sit in the sun, plant some more sunflowers until I get a sunflower kingdom, eating sunflower seeds (yes sunflowers, I'm exploiting you and your future generations) and get a bunch of UV rays absorbed because by then I'd use up the world's supply of sunscreen.

Then I get skin cancer and die.

Where? Hair it is

Is it normal for your hair to begin to get very frizzy and curly as you get older? Because mine was dead straight when I was like five (but I had like long hair)

AHAHA it is so funny. Or maybe as it gets shorter, it is frizzier... O:

I recently (in fact, last night) had a dream about our world, controlled by man, can change night and day and then one day (ha, it was all happening at night so that was ironic) some nutty put the earth too close to the moon and then the earth started rotating. Quickly. Like the stars were blurs and there was no sun (that sun of a bitumen just ditched me) even though if that was true there'd be no moonlight and tides and I was on the coast where the waves were just going on and on and on that I knew the moon was fine. But while this happened an assassin was loose somewhere in my house who was actually a homosexual partner of our old house...keeper? LOL I had good hiding skills. Seriously, no one can find you when you hide under a pile of clothes with your head poking out.
Life inspirational lesson when meeting assassins: don't do what i did
I liked that dream. But it made me hit my head on the ceiling as it went full turbo on rotating.

No serious damage done: just a few upside houses and dead bodies.

Thanks guys. I'll be posting every fortnight. My next post is and will be redeeming,

Jade

Image: my friend (right) and I on a cruise in Paris (NOOOOO...) it really wasn't cold AHAHA

(curse those iphone flashes *shakes fist*)

OH I HAVE TO RECOMMEND SOMETHING. best. paninininini. EVER. YOU GUYS HAVE TO GO THERE. In france, outside the musée de pompidou (was that it?), there is this little café. When you take the first left after walking towards the right of the museum (away from the colourful fountain), keep going straight. After the nut and chocolate store is the little place that sold this chicken panini. Charcu- or something.

You will NOT regret it.

Can the Uncanny Please

I had a dream. A dream about my return to fab Wonderland...

This was such an awkward dream. Maybe, just maybe you know, you shouldn't do your PDHPE research before be because my topic for school is so...it's contraception and it made some effort to squish itself into my dream (in no inappropriate manner of course. I'm THAT mature, psychologically okay?) 

So I was working in a grey and boring office (like there were so many rows and columns of people in one great hall and you all had an open desk space and a PERSONAL PHOTOCOPIER- rich I assume) BUT I was ONASECRETAMAZINGMISSIONTOSAVETHEWORLD. My mission buddies were Neal, Sara and Beyonce (AHAHAHA I was watching a repeat of WC on tele because I was too lazy to start downloading Supernatural-sorry Bernice...and guys I do not know how Beyonce got into the mess). We had to hack into the main control room in order to take back pink ponies or something from the company called "condons" (I think my brain got confused with the shop "pylones" because only the name was not associated with the shop at all). Ugh so many sexual innuendos can be made when I tell you the dream, now I think of it (no nothing happens besides the mission so my PDHPE unit just confused everything). SO while Neal was trying to hack into this computer thingy Beyonce, beig a bit useless and hoeless, got kidnapped by THE MASTER OF THE CONDONS COMPANY. Sara went off to be on guard while I just sat there treating my very many paper cuts from the paper work. In the end, we got caught and then THE MASTER OF THE CONDONS COMPANY walks in in his half robot-machine-toy costume thingo where he was now three times as tall as anyone else with pincher-hands. 

On the formal side of things,

Dear Mechanical-Beings-Who-Have-The-Uncanny-Ability-To-Convert-Such-Useless-And-Highly-Unnecessary-Words-Into-One-Adjective Earthlings,

Four, supposedly, odd, strange, uncanny or extremely unusual facts about me here lie beneath this formal statement to, purportedly, inform or to, as "so-called" entertain you in ways in which I, myself, do not find at the least amusing or comical, so in any moment whatsoever I shall continue to state these three, supposedly, odd or strange or uncanny or extremely unusual but entertaining facts about me below, in which I believe I could have stated it rather as a marvelous "word for a phrase" structure instead of this painstakingly long sentence that I personally believe to be quite the breathless and english-teacher-not-approved material that I would also, personally, not recommend you to write such repetitive words, but now please continue to read my three, supposedly odd, strange, uncanny or extremely unusual facts about me before I get further distracted from my allegedly planned "short" post:

•Guess what I love to draw? The loving and caring warmth of a clown:

•I must confess about my uncanny ability to predict and jinx things. It's one or the other but at times it's both. It is and isn't a good thing at times and I think I inherited it from my mother.

There are just those days where you feel that something bad is going to happen at some time and it just does. I call it predicting. Pffft I don't jinx people ;)

•I have an extreme fear for those ticket gate barriers in Sydney, ever since they modernised it. Oh my God everytime I go through them I get a heart attack and I get all panicky with extreme high blood pressure and fast heart rate and perspiration all in that millisecond. People alway wonder why I run through them or go through the wide gate (no you non-Sydneysiders, they are not for slightly overweight-or-above people). Just letting you know if you see a girl running troughthe ticket gates wearing a hat and carrying an abnormal load of things, don't say "hi"- it ruins my concentration of trying to not get pinched (like three times in the past) or die from a broken pelvis. 

So...well...

Thank you dearly and cordially for reading my utmost formaliest piece of righting writen thet ive given yp on typin' propahlee so jewst stahp jade: OMG!!111!1!!1! stahp with dis formal crap. AHAHAHAA

I know it has been a while. I'm just so busy and lazy. I swear all those other really famous people feel that way too. They aren't lying because procrastination is also a form of business. Oh. That did not come out as planned (this could be a perfect place for a giving-birth joke).

Did I tell you that I picked up a new sport? Archery. Just saying but people from Brave or the Avengers are just helping you believe how easy it is. When you are a PROFESSIONAL. 

AND. I WATCHED IRON MAN THREE. IT WAS REALLY GOOD. It was good because he *SPOILER* didn't save Pepper so it was more realistic (personal thanks for this addition to the movie). 

Ciao Earthlings,
Jade

PS ahaha I've got souvenirs from France: a vlog (which half was done in Sydney BUTDONTTELLANYONEELSEPLEASE) and photos :D

NB This isn't my photo O: but who cares LOL ITS NOT COPYRIGHTED. YET.

I'm the one with the fabulous hat.

Duke of Deadinburgh

Sorry for the random outburst just then.

Hello everyone :)

I HAVE MADE A DECISION *dun dun DUN* I will not explode your puny minds (I'm joking, they are huge expansions of gigantic expansions...don't mind me) with blocks of essays in my blogs. Millions of little posts every now and then. Now, how is that? Great.

Past month I don't even know what I was doing to be honest.

Jade, what the hell WERE you doing?

Let's start with...last week. Oh my goats guys, I went to Duke of Ed on Wednesday and let's just say I didn't fit the category of "morale booster". I'll stick to being the group photographer and maybe if I had to pick to be something else, a back-up person or a navigator. Let me explain the back-up part. As you may be deduced from my numerous blog-essays, I have built a solid lack of trust with people. Unfortunately. When I was younger, let's say in primary, I trusted people pretty darn well. Too much "pretty darn well"s in fact. So even though we had a first-aid officer and a chef and a communications officer...I brought a week's supply of food, band-aids, gauze, medications, tape, double batteries for cameras and phones, a survival booklet and a lighter because I like to burn crap.

Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to burn crap. Perhaps it was because I was trying to be a hypocrite (I hate fire, but it doesn't necessarily mean I hate playing with it. I fishing love playing with fire) and burn fire-ants with fire. The fire-ant was on my tent. Big no-no.

After walking 26km in the bloody hot Australian sun (had to say Australian or it wouldn't sound so bad) I WAS FREE. My right hip is still in pain, my shoulder/neck area was just numb and my feet... I don't even think they're feet anymore.

It was a great "feat" to walk so far. You may ask "how did you survive Jade?" and I'm going to sound like a complete nerd, but I am so... WELL I started to revise all of my science notes. Mentally. For some odd reason. At the end there was this NEVER FREAKING ENDING FIRE TRAIL and I just gave up so my friend just had to drag me down (up- more ups and downs on these hills... LATEBADJOKEALERT) the trail.

I started to talk about the pH levels of various things.

NOTE TO READER: never walk on fire trails. Ever. Even if the choice was between hell and fire trails, pick hell.

Apparently while I was on this walk with a 12.5kg pack, my dog ran all the way to Petersham from Marrickville. Which is funny because he stuck to the same road.

Ahh he is so cute and FLUFFY.

Anyway I have this (well not really) fear of things invading my private space. It's not really a fear. Unless IT IS A FIRE-ANT IN YOUR TENT...It's like if someone's arm (namely, my sister when we sit next to each other) touches my arm I'd walk to Mexico into a taco shop that doesn't sell any tacos just so that they cannot penetrate my personal bubble. Like that fishing praying mantis at camp which decided to circle my neck as I slept. It was killed by...by... "unknown" means. i don't know but I hate it when people squish your cheeks. It's painful. And you are invading my personal space. Maybe that's why I don't like hugs. Only my teddy bear can hug me. Charlie has my permission.

I finally finished 6/2834728 exams this week (oh right, happy easter earthlings)

Why do I call people earthlings? I don't know either. I also tend to call people "child" or "children" obviously depending if I'm talking to "tu" or "vous". There are many psychological things I do not know. Except for some cognitive psychology which I have done thorough research on for my assignment. The memory is beautiful.

France is in a week so be prepared for my first vlog :D

...I said this post was going to be short right?

Sure sure Jade. Sure.

Good Morning, (1:04AM now)

Jadeeeeeeeeeeeertyuiop

Images: this is slightly behind schedule (I should add my Goldcoast pictures too) but two of my favourite camp photos. My BFFL <3 *cough* and the frangines (it's a french student inside joke)

Just Wanted To Put It Out There

I'll turn things around and put a whole heap of short posts.

First things first.

One day I shall live in Manhattan. It's so amazing.

Let me just straighten that statement: Yes I do love Sydney. And I LOVE the Australian culture and yes it is the best country to live in. It's getting a tad boring. BUT COME ON LOOK AT THIS IMAGE. JUST LOOK AT HOW DIFFERENT IT IS FROM SYDNEY. IT IS SO ENERGETIC. LOOK AT IT. NEW YEARS EVE 2010.

It's like a cold rainy rainbow.

Thinking

HA. You guys so did NOT expect a blog so quickly. I'll make it as short as possible. For good reasons.

Hi world,

I've got a question. Like always. Well how do people react when someone dies. I'm not really a crier so I don't expect much happening. It would just make me think a lot. I assume there would be some regrettable thoughts, sad thoughts and thoughts that, I assume, used to not affect you. I find it all interesting. I found pulmonary embolism fascinating. How big a clot could've been to actually stop at the trachea, rather than just a bronchi or bronchiole on the left or right lung. I usually find many things interesting. I assume I could've done my science experiment on this too, not just on memory but the lungs. I really like neurology and psychology so maybe that's why I never picked something to do with the lungs. It was a good thought. And maybe good thoughts, not evil good thoughts, but just GOOD thoughts are thought. I'm getting confusing because I am confused. Death is an entirely interesting thing. People come and go. The reaction is interesting because I am truly this unnecessarily curious. I know two people who have died: one was one of my closest friends in year one who died of leukemia (darn cancers... It caused an unnecessary funny-sad situation when I had joined her brother's school. They were twins so I probably gave the guy a sad day. Sorry. Well I was only in year two when I found out my friend dying. It was the first day of school and I was absolutely clueless. Catholic schools are so much different to public schools. Well we had to introduce ourselves and my teacher had asked me if I knew anyone here and I said: Yep. Joshua and Jasmine. And then everyone just stared at me like: are you bloody stupid Jade? And I stared back like: what you think I'm smart now? And the teacher was like: JADE. HOW COULD YOU SAY JASMINE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. But she really said: oh Jasmine passed away last year) and another, who I was rather distant to, was my aunty's friend. Now this case I found interesting. I've always been fond of crimes. Homicides especially. And fond as in "interesting" not in a "highly supportive" manner. Well there was motive and there were suspects and there were problems and I solved it all in my head. Unfortunately the family was to poor for an investigation but I still doubt, to this day, it was a suicide. (I doubt things a lot. I'm like the female doubting Thomas) I'm going to leave it as how I pictured it to be: a murder. That's right. I'm not going overload with my imagination but when I think I do think and with the evidence presented I will slowly come to know. This time it is kind of different. Now why would people smoke? For stupid reasons unfortunately. One of my closest family members are sadly dying because he now has no lungs. It's sad but I am really bad at reacting. Never good with emotions. But previously whenever a friend gives me a present, I am not really emotional. (I will NEVER be an actor) I have problems expressing them I think LOL but I could act. But then I would take it as a joke. So please note if you ever give me a present I would actually be extremely happy but my face looks blank. Sorry if it wasn't as much as you expect it to seem but I feel though as if I hurt peoples feelings because they're just there grinning at you expecting a hug or something (sorry I'm not really a hugger either. Apparently I used to be extremely affectionate when I was younger. WHATHASHAPPENED. But I'll only hug you you start off the hug otherwise I feel awkward that someone has passed through my personal thinking bubble. And as most of you should know by now, I think way too much. I think that anything easy is a lie or is a trick and I think outside the box. What mistakes I make in exams and life choices because if it's easy I'm going to avoid it. That is why I hate multiple choice questions. They are like my number one enemy in exams. I even think of all different opportunities that are real. Because now I realised that if I do want to travel the world, have an awesome house with circle windows and have an amazing job, it would never work. My ideal job is one that enjoys every bloody day and that I can travel the world and do awesome movie-worthy things and I realised I had read too many books and watched too much tele. So basically I've been imaging a dream :( life and its problems) and then I'd start explaining and ranting and getting off topic. So I'm sorry if I ever would act unemotional but I can easily express excitement, happiness (the joking-funny kind, not the nice normal kind) sadness (but it's a bit hard to show because, like I said, I'd be quiet or something because I hate big deals) and obviously anger. Trust me if you dog-ear any of my books or do one tear I'd go and sit in another room, just really angry but I wouldn't tell you off or anything because I might come off as rude or something and I don't like hurting people's feelings. But if it is my favourite book YOU. ARE. A. GONER. Like one time someone destroyed my copy of "Then" and I went to the bathroom, because it was the only room that had a lock, and thought until the person left. I would NEVER ask someone to pay for something they broke, even if it costs a lot. Unless it's highly valued otherwise no. I would feel bad as if I was just using them and making them feel even more guiltier, if they were even guilty at all. My friend asked me why I wouldn't tell them to pay a few days ago and I found it hard to find a reason BUT I got one now. AHAHA. Well back to the sad moments (wait, the other WAS. Sad so I guess these are the "sadder" moments). Unfortunately due to his old age, he is expected to die by Monday or Tuesday. Today he almost died but he came back so that's okay. But my mum wouldn't let me visit him BECAUSE MY SISTER HAS TO BE SO BLOOMING ANNOYING AND THROWING TANTRUMS SO I HAD TO LOOK AFTER HER WHAT AND WHY? WHEN I WAS HER AGE I COULD EVEN DO MY WORK WITHOUT HELP EVERY FEW SECONDS AND COULD EVEN SLEEP WITHOUT NIGHTMARES OKAY. DEAL WITH IT. I WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND BLOW UP GLOVES. And eat Arnotts bikkies. My family members would and will and had cried except for me. I could never talk to him so much for the past three years, which was my period in time where I actually cared about everything and how I'm going to steer my life ahead of me because I assume when I turned 12 I had an epiphany (there's my favourite word once again). But it ever so happens that at that age he became restricted to the breathing thingo and could barely move or talk anymore so there goes my opportunity. But I has managed to be brave enough to ask him about his parents and their birthday because I think when I was 12/13 I was interested in Ancestry and family trees. But now I'm too lazy. And I hate myself for not being easily motivated and for being lazy. Anyway, in the past five years, of all times I visited his home, which was about a gazillion times, that was the only real conversation I had, with help from my mum because I can't really speak Vietnamese. Apart from "Hello, how are you, how was *insert topic here*". I guess there was my regrettable thought. And I do regret trying to be different and to not learn Viet because it would be useful in the many languages I want to learn. And that is a huge regret. I can understand but I can't speak or write. It's a one way communication. Well anyway he had asked all of us to pray. And to be honest I'm, yes, Catholic but I'm a lazy one. And it has GOT to be the most strict religion I ever heard of. It's like if you eat too much it's a sin. Or if you don't go to church every Sunday it is a sin. I guess I am truly a questioner and since I am built around science religion became rather distant after I had formed an interest in the science field. I think I only pray when needed, other than church, because if I do pray excessively, I would start to question everything. And I don't want to because it is so confusing. Especially the bit about being the father AND the son AND the Holy Spirit and it is not because I don't trust that it is right or that it is untrue but because to me...how can God be Jesus if Jesus is his son and God is only God not Jesus as well but if the Holy Spirit is present within everyone which is also God who is also Jesus then that means God is in everyone and so is Jesus so that means God is in Jesus but is not Jesus but is Jesus at the same time and is his father but then again God is everywhere but there is only one so that also means Jesus is supposedly everywhere but then again Jesus is his son so if they're both everywhere and are and aren't each other... and do you see what I mean? It is like a paradox and paradoxes are too much for my mind. I hope nothing I said offended everyone because I'm usually an open speaker who doubts everything and I don't think that what I said offends anyone at all it is just that I tend to question.

This was such a sad long post and I doubt that you had enjoyed it and I know I broke my promise about my holiday in Queensland because this topic actually had taken over as a priority and it was interesting to me and hopefully you too but I had just watched Suits again and I've hot to say Donna is my favourite character. And I really hate Trevor. Will and always. AHAHA although he had a good reason to do so. Well I think it was good enough. LOL well other than that I've been drowning in school work and I've ended up procrastinating heaps and all. My dreams have not been happening or disrupted or sadly forgotten and this is the worst period in time for my dream life. But I do have around twenty dreams I haven't told you about. I will make a dream post too. Have I told you that I wanted to go to Spain and Italy? Well I do so I could motivate myself even further about learning those languages because so far it is not happening. And why don't the French use showers I mean... Why? I also have another thing and it is that when EVER I check the time there's always a pattern or it always is a palindrome. It it usually, most of the time, 11:11. Now why is that? And I also have a question about facial recognition and occipital lobe problems but I doubt I could ever answer THAT.

Goodbye world and afterlife and heaven and hell and that P- place in between and former lives and what ever place atheists believe they would go to. I'm not very religious or know much about religion. I'm one of those "logic and reasoning" people I guess. Have a good day.

Image: I have nothing related to today's post so why not froyo?