Hi world,
I've got a question. Like always. Well how do people react when someone dies. I'm not really a crier so I don't expect much happening. It would just make me think a lot. I assume there would be some regrettable thoughts, sad thoughts and thoughts that, I assume, used to not affect you. I find it all interesting. I found pulmonary embolism fascinating. How big a clot could've been to actually stop at the trachea, rather than just a bronchi or bronchiole on the left or right lung. I usually find many things interesting. I assume I could've done my science experiment on this too, not just on memory but the lungs. I really like neurology and psychology so maybe that's why I never picked something to do with the lungs. It was a good thought. And maybe good thoughts, not evil good thoughts, but just GOOD thoughts are thought. I'm getting confusing because I am confused. Death is an entirely interesting thing. People come and go. The reaction is interesting because I am truly this unnecessarily curious. I know two people who have died: one was one of my closest friends in year one who died of leukemia (darn cancers... It caused an unnecessary funny-sad situation when I had joined her brother's school. They were twins so I probably gave the guy a sad day. Sorry. Well I was only in year two when I found out my friend dying. It was the first day of school and I was absolutely clueless. Catholic schools are so much different to public schools. Well we had to introduce ourselves and my teacher had asked me if I knew anyone here and I said: Yep. Joshua and Jasmine. And then everyone just stared at me like: are you bloody stupid Jade? And I stared back like: what you think I'm smart now? And the teacher was like: JADE. HOW COULD YOU SAY JASMINE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. But she really said: oh Jasmine passed away last year) and another, who I was rather distant to, was my aunty's friend. Now this case I found interesting. I've always been fond of crimes. Homicides especially. And fond as in "interesting" not in a "highly supportive" manner. Well there was motive and there were suspects and there were problems and I solved it all in my head. Unfortunately the family was to poor for an investigation but I still doubt, to this day, it was a suicide. (I doubt things a lot. I'm like the female doubting Thomas) I'm going to leave it as how I pictured it to be: a murder. That's right. I'm not going overload with my imagination but when I think I do think and with the evidence presented I will slowly come to know. This time it is kind of different. Now why would people smoke? For stupid reasons unfortunately. One of my closest family members are sadly dying because he now has no lungs. It's sad but I am really bad at reacting. Never good with emotions. But previously whenever a friend gives me a present, I am not really emotional. (I will NEVER be an actor) I have problems expressing them I think LOL but I could act. But then I would take it as a joke. So please note if you ever give me a present I would actually be extremely happy but my face looks blank. Sorry if it wasn't as much as you expect it to seem but I feel though as if I hurt peoples feelings because they're just there grinning at you expecting a hug or something (sorry I'm not really a hugger either. Apparently I used to be extremely affectionate when I was younger. WHATHASHAPPENED. But I'll only hug you you start off the hug otherwise I feel awkward that someone has passed through my personal thinking bubble. And as most of you should know by now, I think way too much. I think that anything easy is a lie or is a trick and I think outside the box. What mistakes I make in exams and life choices because if it's easy I'm going to avoid it. That is why I hate multiple choice questions. They are like my number one enemy in exams. I even think of all different opportunities that are real. Because now I realised that if I do want to travel the world, have an awesome house with circle windows and have an amazing job, it would never work. My ideal job is one that enjoys every bloody day and that I can travel the world and do awesome movie-worthy things and I realised I had read too many books and watched too much tele. So basically I've been imaging a dream :( life and its problems) and then I'd start explaining and ranting and getting off topic. So I'm sorry if I ever would act unemotional but I can easily express excitement, happiness (the joking-funny kind, not the nice normal kind) sadness (but it's a bit hard to show because, like I said, I'd be quiet or something because I hate big deals) and obviously anger. Trust me if you dog-ear any of my books or do one tear I'd go and sit in another room, just really angry but I wouldn't tell you off or anything because I might come off as rude or something and I don't like hurting people's feelings. But if it is my favourite book YOU. ARE. A. GONER. Like one time someone destroyed my copy of "Then" and I went to the bathroom, because it was the only room that had a lock, and thought until the person left. I would NEVER ask someone to pay for something they broke, even if it costs a lot. Unless it's highly valued otherwise no. I would feel bad as if I was just using them and making them feel even more guiltier, if they were even guilty at all. My friend asked me why I wouldn't tell them to pay a few days ago and I found it hard to find a reason BUT I got one now. AHAHA. Well back to the sad moments (wait, the other WAS. Sad so I guess these are the "sadder" moments). Unfortunately due to his old age, he is expected to die by Monday or Tuesday. Today he almost died but he came back so that's okay. But my mum wouldn't let me visit him BECAUSE MY SISTER HAS TO BE SO BLOOMING ANNOYING AND THROWING TANTRUMS SO I HAD TO LOOK AFTER HER WHAT AND WHY? WHEN I WAS HER AGE I COULD EVEN DO MY WORK WITHOUT HELP EVERY FEW SECONDS AND COULD EVEN SLEEP WITHOUT NIGHTMARES OKAY. DEAL WITH IT. I WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND BLOW UP GLOVES. And eat Arnotts bikkies. My family members would and will and had cried except for me. I could never talk to him so much for the past three years, which was my period in time where I actually cared about everything and how I'm going to steer my life ahead of me because I assume when I turned 12 I had an epiphany (there's my favourite word once again). But it ever so happens that at that age he became restricted to the breathing thingo and could barely move or talk anymore so there goes my opportunity. But I has managed to be brave enough to ask him about his parents and their birthday because I think when I was 12/13 I was interested in Ancestry and family trees. But now I'm too lazy. And I hate myself for not being easily motivated and for being lazy. Anyway, in the past five years, of all times I visited his home, which was about a gazillion times, that was the only real conversation I had, with help from my mum because I can't really speak Vietnamese. Apart from "Hello, how are you, how was *insert topic here*". I guess there was my regrettable thought. And I do regret trying to be different and to not learn Viet because it would be useful in the many languages I want to learn. And that is a huge regret. I can understand but I can't speak or write. It's a one way communication. Well anyway he had asked all of us to pray. And to be honest I'm, yes, Catholic but I'm a lazy one. And it has GOT to be the most strict religion I ever heard of. It's like if you eat too much it's a sin. Or if you don't go to church every Sunday it is a sin. I guess I am truly a questioner and since I am built around science religion became rather distant after I had formed an interest in the science field. I think I only pray when needed, other than church, because if I do pray excessively, I would start to question everything. And I don't want to because it is so confusing. Especially the bit about being the father AND the son AND the Holy Spirit and it is not because I don't trust that it is right or that it is untrue but because to me...how can God be Jesus if Jesus is his son and God is only God not Jesus as well but if the Holy Spirit is present within everyone which is also God who is also Jesus then that means God is in everyone and so is Jesus so that means God is in Jesus but is not Jesus but is Jesus at the same time and is his father but then again God is everywhere but there is only one so that also means Jesus is supposedly everywhere but then again Jesus is his son so if they're both everywhere and are and aren't each other... and do you see what I mean? It is like a paradox and paradoxes are too much for my mind. I hope nothing I said offended everyone because I'm usually an open speaker who doubts everything and I don't think that what I said offends anyone at all it is just that I tend to question.
This was such a sad long post and I doubt that you had enjoyed it and I know I broke my promise about my holiday in Queensland because this topic actually had taken over as a priority and it was interesting to me and hopefully you too but I had just watched Suits again and I've hot to say Donna is my favourite character. And I really hate Trevor. Will and always. AHAHA although he had a good reason to do so. Well I think it was good enough. LOL well other than that I've been drowning in school work and I've ended up procrastinating heaps and all. My dreams have not been happening or disrupted or sadly forgotten and this is the worst period in time for my dream life. But I do have around twenty dreams I haven't told you about. I will make a dream post too. Have I told you that I wanted to go to Spain and Italy? Well I do so I could motivate myself even further about learning those languages because so far it is not happening. And why don't the French use showers I mean... Why? I also have another thing and it is that when EVER I check the time there's always a pattern or it always is a palindrome. It it usually, most of the time, 11:11. Now why is that? And I also have a question about facial recognition and occipital lobe problems but I doubt I could ever answer THAT.
Goodbye world and afterlife and heaven and hell and that P- place in between and former lives and what ever place atheists believe they would go to. I'm not very religious or know much about religion. I'm one of those "logic and reasoning" people I guess. Have a good day.
Image: I have nothing related to today's post so why not froyo?
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